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I posted this elsewhere, but I don't think many people get into that subforum. Maybe some of you will enjoy my crazy mind:
Introducing the new She-Mote remote control (tm) from Liberalco.
The She-Mote (tm) is a newly released remote control specifically designed for women in a home theater environment. As every person of "progressive thought" knows to be natural fact, (just like more taxes are better) the audio/video industry and home theater hobby intentially oppresses and purposefully excludes womyn. (the more accurate and politically correct spelling for the fairer sex)
Now to cater to downtrodden womyn, Liberalco now introduces the new She-Mote (tm) with the following features:
- available only in pastel colors that no man knows or can pronounce, such as maize, puce, and periwinkle
- many buttons only confuse and clutter traditional he-mote controls, so the She-mote minimizes with a few select buttons
- there is no use for a "volume up" button, so a She-Mote features only a "volume down" button reducing levels to a barely audible setting, eliminating any need for the constant demand of "TURN THAT THING DOWN!"
- similarly, there is no use for channel and number buttons, so the She-Mote has one channel toggle button to cycle between The Learning Channel, HGTV, Oxygen, Women's Entertainment, and select network shows like Desperate Housewives, Extreme Makeover, Oprah, the Bachelor, Miss America, and of course any ice-skating competition anywhere in the world.
- naturally, any channel or show even hinting of testosterone, such as the Speed channel, Sci-Fi, Comedy channel, or ESPN is automatically blocked.
- enjoying any audio/video material in the dark is simply stupid, so the She-Mote produces more than adequate room lighting on its own so that you can enjoy your Women's Day magazine during any show. Being able to see your actual video display is completely unnecessary, of course.
- employing a miniature electro-magnetic pulse generator mimicking a nuclear detonation, She-Motes render all audio-video equipment completely inoperable during March Madness, college bowl season, World Series, and the Stanley Cup, NBA, and NFL playoffs.
- She-Motes offer special time-shifting control, so that when your male companion says "there's only 15 minutes left in the football game", or "I'll be there in a minute", all operations do automatically cease at the stated time.
- with the available Man-Leash (tm) accessory, any scenes that may appear with partial female nudity will automatically cause the Man-Leash to flip up blinders over your male companion's eyes, removing the need for you to do so with your hands to retain control over your companion. Of course, partial male nudity has no effect. In fact, it is encouraged.
- Man-Leashes (tm) also incorporate a tactile-transducer-like device that when activated by the She-Mote will deliver a moderate electrical shock to your male companion. This is particularly useful in keeping your male companion alert during long necessary expositions on your problems and feelings, getting him up to do the chore that you want done RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT, or making him get his own damn beer.
- with the push of a button, cloaking devices instantly hide all nearby speakers, wires, and audio equipment. Pressing twice will instantly cover everything in sight with furniture polish and cause green plants to appear on all horizontal surfaces.
- incorporating the next generation of caller-ID functions, the Mother-In-Law summoning button will cause your obnoxious family members to call right in the middle of your male companion's favorite scene or a critical sporting moment. This will bring you limitless pleasure, and you are welcome to talk to your mom as loudly and as long as you desire during the show.
- every girly girl needs candles, so the She-Mote also has a lighter wand with enough power to light more candles than a Roman Catholic prayer shrine.
- all She-motes come with RF transmission as standard, to offer complete control over male-operated components from anywhere in the house.
- of course, all She-Mote commands automatically override attempts to use a standard he-mote. We know who's really in charge.
Introducing the new She-Mote remote control (tm) from Liberalco.
The She-Mote (tm) is a newly released remote control specifically designed for women in a home theater environment. As every person of "progressive thought" knows to be natural fact, (just like more taxes are better) the audio/video industry and home theater hobby intentially oppresses and purposefully excludes womyn. (the more accurate and politically correct spelling for the fairer sex)
Now to cater to downtrodden womyn, Liberalco now introduces the new She-Mote (tm) with the following features:
- available only in pastel colors that no man knows or can pronounce, such as maize, puce, and periwinkle
- many buttons only confuse and clutter traditional he-mote controls, so the She-mote minimizes with a few select buttons
- there is no use for a "volume up" button, so a She-Mote features only a "volume down" button reducing levels to a barely audible setting, eliminating any need for the constant demand of "TURN THAT THING DOWN!"
- similarly, there is no use for channel and number buttons, so the She-Mote has one channel toggle button to cycle between The Learning Channel, HGTV, Oxygen, Women's Entertainment, and select network shows like Desperate Housewives, Extreme Makeover, Oprah, the Bachelor, Miss America, and of course any ice-skating competition anywhere in the world.
- naturally, any channel or show even hinting of testosterone, such as the Speed channel, Sci-Fi, Comedy channel, or ESPN is automatically blocked.
- enjoying any audio/video material in the dark is simply stupid, so the She-Mote produces more than adequate room lighting on its own so that you can enjoy your Women's Day magazine during any show. Being able to see your actual video display is completely unnecessary, of course.
- employing a miniature electro-magnetic pulse generator mimicking a nuclear detonation, She-Motes render all audio-video equipment completely inoperable during March Madness, college bowl season, World Series, and the Stanley Cup, NBA, and NFL playoffs.
- She-Motes offer special time-shifting control, so that when your male companion says "there's only 15 minutes left in the football game", or "I'll be there in a minute", all operations do automatically cease at the stated time.
- with the available Man-Leash (tm) accessory, any scenes that may appear with partial female nudity will automatically cause the Man-Leash to flip up blinders over your male companion's eyes, removing the need for you to do so with your hands to retain control over your companion. Of course, partial male nudity has no effect. In fact, it is encouraged.
- Man-Leashes (tm) also incorporate a tactile-transducer-like device that when activated by the She-Mote will deliver a moderate electrical shock to your male companion. This is particularly useful in keeping your male companion alert during long necessary expositions on your problems and feelings, getting him up to do the chore that you want done RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT, or making him get his own damn beer.
- with the push of a button, cloaking devices instantly hide all nearby speakers, wires, and audio equipment. Pressing twice will instantly cover everything in sight with furniture polish and cause green plants to appear on all horizontal surfaces.
- incorporating the next generation of caller-ID functions, the Mother-In-Law summoning button will cause your obnoxious family members to call right in the middle of your male companion's favorite scene or a critical sporting moment. This will bring you limitless pleasure, and you are welcome to talk to your mom as loudly and as long as you desire during the show.
- every girly girl needs candles, so the She-Mote also has a lighter wand with enough power to light more candles than a Roman Catholic prayer shrine.
- all She-motes come with RF transmission as standard, to offer complete control over male-operated components from anywhere in the house.
- of course, all She-Mote commands automatically override attempts to use a standard he-mote. We know who's really in charge.
