I found this review on the canoe site and thought I'd paste it. I'm not surprised by any of the reviews on JPIII but I'll still see it anyway. I guess I'm a sucker for dino's
As kooky as it may sound there is a strange symmetry between the "Jurassic Park" and the "Jaws" series of movies. Besides the obvious 'monsters-go-stalking-humans' theme and the influence of Steven Spielberg, they each now share one of the most moronic plot points in movie history.
If you recall, in "Jaws: The Revenge" Chief Brody's wife (Lorraine Gary) moves away from her hometown of Amity. The shark that gobbled up her loved ones is so darn clever and so pissed off it actually follows her from Maine all the way to the Caribbean to finish the job it started. Similarly in "Jurassic Park III", a pack of Raptors stalks a band of visiting humans across an entire island. Why? Because...get this...they unintentionally stole some of their eggs. Groan.
In both cases, Spielberg has been smart enough to get out while the gettin' is good. He ain't dumb. On "Jurassic Park III", Spielberg has relegated himself to the role of executive producer thereby washing his hands of the mess that director Joe Johnston ("Honey, I Shrunk The Kids", "Jumanji", "The Rocketeer") and the film's merry band of screenwriters have managed to make. And what a complete and utter mess it is too. Not even the caretakers who clean up after Jurassic Park's biggest dinos can tidy this one up. No way. No how.
Doing his rendition of Indiana Jones minus the wit or charm, Sam Neill returns as the crotchety world-renown paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant. Eight years after escaping from the fiasco that was InGen's doomed dino theme park, Grant is suffering from the fallout. Genetically engineered dinosaurs running amok, crumbling cities and feasting on humans has scared off potential investors. Desperate to keep his digs going -- and for the film's producers to find any feeble excuse to get him back to being chased by bloodthirsty beasts -- Grant is coerced into helping a couple (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni) find their son who has been conveniently stranded on Isla Sorna, another InGen monster factory.
That's about all the storyline "Jurassic Park III" has. You could probably fit it on the back of a business card with room to spare. Why it took three writers to pen the plot is mystery not even Scotland Yard would be able to solve. As a matter of fact, it is not a plot at all but a string of ineffective and unbelievable coincidences that separate the recycled dino attacks that have been staged with more ingenuity in the two previous installments and still aren't suitable for younger movie-goers. If the attacks were thrilling they could make up for the plot's disappearing act but they aren't and they don't. The film is a series of unremarkable chase scenes through the jungle with a stop at an obligatory laboratory and a Pteranodon breeding area.
There is nothing in "Jurassic Park III" that parallels the harrowing motorhome-research facility scene in "Lost World". The swarming by the Pteranodons is the closest that comes to it and still you have to slog through so many predictable skirmishes that it hardly seems worth it in the end.
While were on the subject of endings...what the heck was that? Bing. Bang. Boom. It's over? What? Did they run out of money and had to immediately finish filming? That's what it looks like. Just as things get rocking, the plug is pulled with a conclusion that is so incredibly stupid it sets a new world record for a leap in logic.
That's what "Jurassic Park III" is though, stupid to its very core. Raptors chat with each other and are said to be smarter than humans. A dinosaur swallows a satellite phone that is still functional after the dino relieves itself. A garbled phone call that contains no valuable information whatsoever leads to a pivotal rescue. Characters correctly guessing each other's actions as if they were telepathic. The prized T-Rex replaced by duck-billed Spinosaurus (Craposaurus). No input from author Michael Crichton. The list of absurdities goes on and on. This type of comical nonsense that you might find in a direct-to-video release has no business being on the Big Screen. It belongs in the half-price bin or on television.
The first "Jurassic Park" wowed us with its technical innovations. Eight years later, the innovations Spielberg and his ingenious crew manufactured are commonplace. They aren't enough to hinge an entire film. If the uninspired "Jurassic Park III" is a sign of things to come, the series would be better off becoming as extinct as the prehistoric creatures it amazingly brought to life for us.
As kooky as it may sound there is a strange symmetry between the "Jurassic Park" and the "Jaws" series of movies. Besides the obvious 'monsters-go-stalking-humans' theme and the influence of Steven Spielberg, they each now share one of the most moronic plot points in movie history.
If you recall, in "Jaws: The Revenge" Chief Brody's wife (Lorraine Gary) moves away from her hometown of Amity. The shark that gobbled up her loved ones is so darn clever and so pissed off it actually follows her from Maine all the way to the Caribbean to finish the job it started. Similarly in "Jurassic Park III", a pack of Raptors stalks a band of visiting humans across an entire island. Why? Because...get this...they unintentionally stole some of their eggs. Groan.
In both cases, Spielberg has been smart enough to get out while the gettin' is good. He ain't dumb. On "Jurassic Park III", Spielberg has relegated himself to the role of executive producer thereby washing his hands of the mess that director Joe Johnston ("Honey, I Shrunk The Kids", "Jumanji", "The Rocketeer") and the film's merry band of screenwriters have managed to make. And what a complete and utter mess it is too. Not even the caretakers who clean up after Jurassic Park's biggest dinos can tidy this one up. No way. No how.
Doing his rendition of Indiana Jones minus the wit or charm, Sam Neill returns as the crotchety world-renown paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant. Eight years after escaping from the fiasco that was InGen's doomed dino theme park, Grant is suffering from the fallout. Genetically engineered dinosaurs running amok, crumbling cities and feasting on humans has scared off potential investors. Desperate to keep his digs going -- and for the film's producers to find any feeble excuse to get him back to being chased by bloodthirsty beasts -- Grant is coerced into helping a couple (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni) find their son who has been conveniently stranded on Isla Sorna, another InGen monster factory.
That's about all the storyline "Jurassic Park III" has. You could probably fit it on the back of a business card with room to spare. Why it took three writers to pen the plot is mystery not even Scotland Yard would be able to solve. As a matter of fact, it is not a plot at all but a string of ineffective and unbelievable coincidences that separate the recycled dino attacks that have been staged with more ingenuity in the two previous installments and still aren't suitable for younger movie-goers. If the attacks were thrilling they could make up for the plot's disappearing act but they aren't and they don't. The film is a series of unremarkable chase scenes through the jungle with a stop at an obligatory laboratory and a Pteranodon breeding area.
There is nothing in "Jurassic Park III" that parallels the harrowing motorhome-research facility scene in "Lost World". The swarming by the Pteranodons is the closest that comes to it and still you have to slog through so many predictable skirmishes that it hardly seems worth it in the end.
While were on the subject of endings...what the heck was that? Bing. Bang. Boom. It's over? What? Did they run out of money and had to immediately finish filming? That's what it looks like. Just as things get rocking, the plug is pulled with a conclusion that is so incredibly stupid it sets a new world record for a leap in logic.
That's what "Jurassic Park III" is though, stupid to its very core. Raptors chat with each other and are said to be smarter than humans. A dinosaur swallows a satellite phone that is still functional after the dino relieves itself. A garbled phone call that contains no valuable information whatsoever leads to a pivotal rescue. Characters correctly guessing each other's actions as if they were telepathic. The prized T-Rex replaced by duck-billed Spinosaurus (Craposaurus). No input from author Michael Crichton. The list of absurdities goes on and on. This type of comical nonsense that you might find in a direct-to-video release has no business being on the Big Screen. It belongs in the half-price bin or on television.
The first "Jurassic Park" wowed us with its technical innovations. Eight years later, the innovations Spielberg and his ingenious crew manufactured are commonplace. They aren't enough to hinge an entire film. If the uninspired "Jurassic Park III" is a sign of things to come, the series would be better off becoming as extinct as the prehistoric creatures it amazingly brought to life for us.
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